50 Shades of The Worst Book Ever.

Everyone and their mother is writing/talking/reading about this book:

 

So, I'll admit, my interest was piqued, and I went out 

and bought it yesterday.

I thought, hmmm... only 15 bucks, what a steal.

What a steal? 

I'm the real victim here.

This book is TERRIBLE.

I read three chapters last night, and had this face 

the whole time:

What a waste of time this book is.

The writing is on par with...

what? A four year old?

An elephant taking a stab at a keyboard?

Time to Reiterate:

WASTE OF TIME.

I'm sad for what people think qualifies as

best seller material.

Time for me to re-read something 

fantastic to restore my faith in literature. 

I do apologize to those people who

completely love this book.

I won't judge you, much.

Proud Time Waster

Sometimes I feel like what I do in my spare time is

somehow wrong, or bad... because I'm not

necessarily helping the world or making a difference

or doing anything seemingly productive.

But I work hard, I do a lot of less than fun activities...

why should I feel badly

 about how I spend my spare time? 

It's a sad day when you can't do what you want.

(Within reason of course... 

I'm not promoting illegal activity.)

So, no more feeling bad...

It's my time! 

If I want to watch 4 hours of the DIY network, I'm going to.

(And who am I kidding... 4 hours? Try 8.)

Momtastic

I am not a Mother. Yet.

This post isn't my "coming out of the pregnancy closet" so

hold your excitement.

Let me be clear - I am NOT pregnant.

I was reading about P!nk today,

and her thoughts on being a Mom.

And I realized, I love her.  I think she's fantastic.

She's what I want to look like when I'm a Mom -

all tattoos and smiles and cool hats.

 

But more importantly,

I want to have her attitude.

"I do a lot of dancing now with [Willow] and I’m just happier,” she says. “Your career goes up and down, but … at the end of the day, if I didn’t do another thing, I’m blessed. I like myself more than I used to.” - P!nk

 

Lots of Mom's complain, and I get it... not every day is Instagram perfection.

But, isn't it lovely that she likes herself more with baby in tow?

Good stuff.

Oh Geez, baby fever.

 

leavin' the country, still gonna eat peaches.

So, we are moving.

And it's funny, because a lot of people that hear we are moving

look at my husband and I like we're crazy for wanting to move out of the countryside.

"You're moving? BUT WHY? It's paradise out here."

or,

"You're moving into an apartment? Isn't that, like, a step backward?"

While I will be forever grateful for having had the opportunity to live 

on the outskirts of civilization,

let me say this...

the grass is always greener on the other side buddy. 

The house we live in is on its very last legs.  Having a house that's 

over 100 years old in the country is no picnic.

It could be a picnic for a millionaire.

FYI, we are not millionaires.

Did you know, lady who is giving me the dirty eyes and literally shaking her head at me that I'm leaving,

I had a snake in my kitchen once?

A SNAKE.

(there will be no picture inserted here, as I have a phobia of the above

creature. No joke, I'm still traumatized.)

We have mice, we have squirrels, we have bats...

living in our walls. They have scratch parties at nighttime.

Have you seen the state of my laundry room?

Refer here for reference.

And let's not forget what my husband and I have not so fondly referred to as "the lurkers".

 Those city folk that pile into their minivans on a weekend afternoon, 

and drive 4 km's an hour around our house, quite literally, staring at us.

Some even point.

"Look kids, this is how country people live their lives.

They hang clothes on lines and drink beer on their (very broken) patio."

I won't miss buying extremely expensive "septic tank safe" toilet paper.

3 ply? Try NO ply.

I'll survive without wedding parties rudely using our property as their 

backdrop - leaving cups, beer cans, 

limo tire ruts and candy wrappers all over my front lawn.

 And kids who take their ATV"s and dirt bikes and ruin my grass...

You definitely will NOT be missed!

The never ending worry about "will we run out of water today"

because our water supplier can be less than reliable is

something I'm excited not to have to deal with anymore!

 Rotting bathroom floors, broken patio stones, gardens too full of the "s" word 

(kitchen creature, you know...) 

that I will not go near them, old carpet, no closets (NONE!), and moldy showers...

I am done with you, with your thanks.

 __________________________________

Please don't get me wrong... I could write a blog twice as long about what 

I will miss about the country life. (In fact, I most likely will when the 

move date looms closer and I get teary eyed about the sunset or deer).

I think my main point is that, unless you are in the person's situation,

please don't judge.

Lady, I'm so glad you like living in the country, but

I'm excited to start a new chapter!

Be happy for me!

Hardwood floors, brand new appliances, walkable distance to markets, cafes, and bars...

I'm coming for you!!!

Truth Monster

You know that whole

"The Truth Will Set You Free"

mumbo jumbo?

Yah, I don't know if it's all that accurate.

It may eventually be true,

but what about the one who tells you the truth?

Does it set them free?

Rarely.

I have always carried with me the belief that the truth is far better than lying.

You can do it tactfully and with loveliness,

but in the end, the truth is better.

OR IS IT?

I have consistently gotten myself into trouble over the years

for telling the truth.

Being the one, who, while everyone else is thinking it,

actually (God Forbid) says it out loud.

 And it usually ends badly.

I'm not sure where this part of me came from,

to tell the truth to those I love, but it did... and I'm over it!

I like that my friends want me to be the one they go shopping with

because they know I'll tell them what looks good and what doesn't.

Why would I do anything else?

If anything, it's for selfish reasons, because why would I want the peeps

I roll with to look anything but spectacular?

(peeps? roll with? who am I?)

But, from now on, don't ask me questions if you are only

prepared to hear what you want to hear.

I tell the truth - and if you want lies, talk to someone else.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Now I'm sure I'm just scaring everyone.

The TRUTH is,

I want people I love to be happy, and maybe

what I think really, doesn't matter.

I won't lie, but I can also keep my mouth closed.

Win Win.

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." - Oscar Wilde

 

picture perfect

My friend and I were recently discussing how we haven't taken
enough pictures lately.

We get together with friends, and want to take photos, at one point we even said

"I have my camera and I am absolutely taking pictures tonight. No excuses."

And then it's the next morning, and I have one blurry shot of my dog.

no joke - here it is.

And then I'm kind of disappointed because we looked cute,

we were having fun,

summer was being had...

and we don't have any documentation!

And then, I gave myself this face - 

 

and said... 

"wait. I'm disappointed?"

Have I gotten so wrapped up in the documenting of events that

I have stopped enjoying them?

A bit dramatic, but sort of.

When I'm out, I'm often saying - 

"DAMN! I wish I had my camera. This would be such a good picture."

Carling - shut up! Just enjoy the moment. 

Don't get me wrong - picture taking & editing is one of my 

favourite things to do.

However, I do think in the age of social media and the never ending need

to show off (yep, I'm saying it) how good you look, or how awesome your life is,

or how great and picture perfect your trip was...

you might lose the moment... just a little bit.

This doesn't mean you should expect me to stop documenting any time soon,

but... I'm not going to beat myself up anymore when I don't get 80 shots of 

my amazing night.

I have a lot of amazing nights,

and maybe, sometimes, the memories are enough.

"Memory is the power to gather roses in winter" - Anonymous

James VanderBeek-in-action!

Who knew this guy -

 

Would eventually become THIS guy -

 

All of a sudden, Dawson, James has grown up and become a good looking dude!

I did not expect this.

On Dawson's Creek, James VDB bothers the CRAP out of me.

He's whiny, lame, and totally tool-ish.

Pacey (yummy Joshua Jackson) is where it's at in the DC Days.

Actually, he is STILL where it's at -

Distracting.

However, out of the blue it seems, James has become this 

funny, charming, totally able to make fun of himself (which is the best) guy.

The new show, Don't Trust the B in Apt. 23, is not that good.

BUT, James is saving the day with his hilarious portrayal 

of himself as an actor trying to get out of the Dawson persona for which he is best known.

Here he decides to teach an acting class because if 

"James Franco can do it, I can do it. I'm going to beat Franco at Acting teaching."

 hee hee.

He tries to teach them Hamlet, but the audience only has DC questions (like - "was it hot to make out with Katie Holmes?" and "were you and Pacey always drunk on set?"), and he eventually succumbs and acts out the part of when he tells Joey he loves her for the first time.

FUNNY STUFF.

And who can forget his role as Robin's ex-boyfriend 

(Canadian style) on How I met Your Mother? 

 his Canadian accent made me giggle.

 Or his part in Ke$ha's music video playing the part of

James Van der Douche?

Blow - Ke$ha

 Vander Douche? GOLD!

 OR... his amazing talent on the set of Criminal Minds when he played, 

hands down, the creepiest killer I've ever seen on the show. 

  

creeptastic.

James - You may be on fire!

[describing heartbreak] "It's agony. Complete, excruciating agony. It's like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on, and you can't breathe... you don't want to eat... you can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and the worst part is, there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you *know* that it's yours for life." 

- Dawson Leery

(barf. He's supposed to be 15 in this episode... typical DC pretentiousness.)

Maybe we just try to forget the Dawson days...