broken record.

I'm a "wear my emotions all over my sleeve" kind of person.

I've tried caring less, saying "who cares", letting things "roll off my back"...

but yah, not working.

Kudos to you if you can do that - I wish you well, 

and if you want to impart your obvious wisdom on me, 

please, text me immediately.

I'm basically a broken record at this point,

I'm pretty sure I've written a variation of this blog post before.

Why am I not learning anything from my past experience?

Can I blame the fake blond hair? Pregnancy hormones?

I've decided to try to spin it into something positive.

I'm passionate! If my fault is that I care too much, then...

what's the problem?

The PROBLEM, dear self, is that...

it makes you stressed out.

It makes you feel disrespected.

It  makes you feel "less than".

(An uncomfortable place to be)

So what I do I do? How do I change this?

I have a son on the way.

Do I want him to grow up with a Mom that

seems angry a lot because of people/things

not doing things the way I would want them done?

Do I drop the things in my life that aren't working?

Say goodbye to the things that are "say goodbyeble?"

(Goodbyeable? I blame that most definitely on the fake blond hair.)

The thing is - I can't change you/the situation.

I can't change who you are, how you deal, etc.

I can change MYSELF.

Fix my flaws, work on how I react.

Why is that so hard?

Can someone please take me on vacation now please.

 

Inner Battles

I'm having a crisis!

An inner battle, if you will.

I am 100% distracted/preoccupied/obsessed

with all things motherhood,

but I'm terrified of becoming one of those

"100% distracted/preoccupied/obsessed" women.

 

I really can't stand people who get super focused

on one aspect of their life...

and then they're all

"oh, let me talk about this subject non stop, for all eternity".

 

But then, here I am, talking about maternity clothes

and strollers, centrepieces for my baby brunch,

and how I'm so tired all the time... you know, from the pregnancy,

and, so.much.baby.thoughts.

Because life has become social media obsessed,

I'm trying so hard to keep my obsession at bay.

I think (think?) I'm doing a pretty good job.

But, still.... terrified!

I want to come across as the girl who is still the same,

while being pregnant... kind of like a side note.

But is that realistic? Does that make me a bad pre-mom?

Can I still maintain my coolness,

while discussing the pure genius of the jolly jumper?

 

CAN I HAVE IT ALL?

 

I've been told, quite frequently (thank you everyone!)

that my future offspring is lucky to have me.

That's sweet!

Because I'm like, so totally in love with my baby already!

But in a... 

sipping my coffee, wearing cool leather (who am I kidding, fake leather) jacket,

still swearing with my friends kind of way.

It's a hard transition to make, not going to lie.

I hope I'm doing okay.

Our baby arrives in 4 months.

 

Anyone want to talk baby bathtubs?

 

________________________________

 

Side note - Thank you to one of my favourite friends for being the

inspiration behind this post.

You know who you are, Clowny McDrummer Girl.

Remix

I'm not going to lie to you - I like the new NKOTB song.

It's catchy and makes me feel fun when I crank it up in my car.

On my way to work today, I actually listened to the words.

Ummm... I think I (and every woman) should actually

be totally offended by the lyrics!

Below are the lyrics, in red are my comments.

 

REMIX (I LIKE THE) - New Kids on the Block

Ooh oh oh ooh Oh oh oh oh oh ooh
(starts off strong, very original. Smart too.)

 
She was that girl in the corner  

Thick-rimmed glasses 

(first of all, they've missed the boat. Thick-rimmed glasses are actually
extremely cool these days)

Everybody laughed
Every time she passed us  

Ever the outcast  

Had no flava 

(sad face, no flava.)

But who got the last laugh 

Hey
 

Always came last  

No one ever kissed her  

Missing for days  

But nobody missed her

(ouch! I'm sure this lame girl's mother at least missed her.)  

She went from wallpaper 

(although, she is wallpaper. who misses wallpaper?)

To heartbreaker  

You shoulda seen her

Ooooo
 

Baby I like the new you 

(first cringe worthy time this wonderful message comes through)

Oooh ooh
 I like the Remix baby
Oooh ooh
 I like the Remix Remix

 
 Do what you doin’

 I like the way you do it  

Do what you doin’ 

I like the way you do it, do it  

(NKOTB, your lyrics are pure trash gold!)

Now her body’s so crazy  

Got mad attention  

Everybody wants her, I forgot to mention 

My baby’s so intelligent  

(side bar! she's smart. but that's just a side bar, she's hot now, that matters most.)

Down with it  

Independent  

(they're down with independence. welcome to 2013 NKOTB?)

Got it all

 
  See no one ever knew  

She was a transformer  

Went straight from a 2  

(a 2? A TWO? so far all I know is she wore glasses. spectacles does not a 2 make.)

To an I just wanna own ya  

(so, you dig her independence, but you want to own her.

Slavery is so yesterday boys.)

I can’t help myself  

Can’t help myself I need it  

Need it

 
Baby I like the new you 

(translation: we've sang this line already, and we will sing it again,

but it's really important we make it quite clear:

WE LIKE THE NEW YOU. Not the old 2. You were gross.)

Oooh ooh
 I like the Remix baby
Oooh ooh 

 I like the Remix Remix
Oooh ooh
 I like the Remix baby  

Yeah yeah yeah  

Oooh ooh

   I like the Remix Remix 

Break it down

(break it down! so 90's, so NKOTB) 
 

 I like the new you  

Forget about the old school  

(please, please forget. you were so ugly!

you wore GLASSES for crying out loud.

Let's burn that memory to the ground. We like the NEW YOU,

just so you remember.)

I love the sexy thing you turned into  

(not the old slob you were)

So gimme the v2  

(and hate yourself for the fact that there ever was a v1) 

Some of that love fuel  

(love fuel = STI?)

I like the beat that your body moves to  

Moves to

   

Do what you doin’ I like the way you do it girl

(smart. I see you are all super intelligent too!)  

I’m speechless – come on  

(speechless - probably better)

Oooh ooh
 Yeeeaaahh
 I like the Remix baby
I like the new you, oh

(fyi - the NEW you.)

Oooh ooh   

The one you turned into 

(not old you. new you. NEW.) 

 I like the Remix Remix
Yeeeahhh
 Oooh ooh
Aaaaaaahhhh  

I like the Remix baby 

 Oooh ooh
Sexy sexy thing
I like the Remix Remix  

I like the v2  

Said I like the new you baby, hey
Ooh oh oh ooh  

Oh oh oh oh oh ooh Yeeahhh

_______________________________

I dunno, isn't this offensive?

If you were ever unattractive,

had an awkward stage,

wore glasses - had acne, were chubby...

thank God you can CHANGE!

or else no guy will ever love you.

  

Maybe I'm being a huge prude,

taking all of this too far.

The song is catchy - I can't lie,

if I still "clubbed", I'd be all over the dance floor

if this song came on!

But come on... 

girl's need a different message, amirite?

Just Give Me a Reason

I've been listening to this song on repeat.

I think I've cried.... 3 times now?

I would like to blame pregnancy hormones, 

but I was a crier on my most non pregnant days,

so this song is just really really good.

Relate-able and beautiful.

And I LOVE when artists use their

real life partners for love scenes.

It should be done more often.

(Side bar - could Carey Hart be any hotter?)

fun. and P!nk are probably my two

favourite "pop" singers. (I think they are more than that).

I'm so happy they did a collaboration.

Just Give Me a Reason 

P!nk ft. Nate Ruess

Lyrics

 

Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh oh
Things you never say to me, oh oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I'm sorry I don't understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everything

 And it's all in your mind
(Yeah but this is happening)
You've been having real bad dreams, oh oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh oh
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Oh tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again

Bump It Up

I seem to have "popped".

I didn't think I looked that pregnant,

but a few days ago, I was looking in the mirror,

and I seemed... rounder.

I've been fighting the whole

body image portion of pregnancy.

But I'm trying to remember that

I'm doing everything right,

and this is supposed to happen.

So time to embrace the bump!

Eek! No turning back now.

Game Changer

Yikes. I haven't blogged since December!

To say I've been distracted would be an understatement.

On December 17, 2012 my life, and my husband's life

CHANGED FOREVER!

Dramatic!

What happened?

Well, I peed on a stick.

Now, in normal circumstances,

that wouldn't be seen as life changing,

but more weird, and creepy.

However, when the "stick" is a "pregnancy test",

everything changes.

To tell you the truth, I took the test as a 

precaution, not to confirm anything.

It was getting to be the start of a very hectic

Christmas season, and the amount of alcohol I would have

the option to partake in was quite high.

So, I thought...

I might as well take this test, to prove that I am NOT pregnant,

and then I can go on my merry way and drink the season away!

So, I bought the test, bought some groceries,

came home, did what you do with pregnancy tests,

and more or less forgot about it.

 Imagine my surprise, when 10 minutes later,

I saunter in to the bathroom to confirm my

non pregnant status to be greeted by this:

I didn't really believe the test.

I thought it was wrong, or that it was faulty,

or that I was dumb and reading the instructions wrong.

So I got another one.

 

Let me tell you, it's hard to talk yourself out of 

2 positive pregnancy tests.

So, husband's were called,

crying insued,

and shock pretty much set in,

and has since remained.

I am so freaking excited to be having a baby.

But I am also SHOCKED that we are actually having one.

A few days ago, 

I heard our baby's heartbeat.

Can I tell you how absolutely incredible that is?

I have been pregnant for 12 weeks,

and that is the first time through everything,

that it became absolutely, 100% REAL to me.

My baby has a heartbeat!

EEEIIII!

The "C" Word

Is anyone else as confused as I am about the word

CURVY?

Who is curvy? What body shape is curvy?

Am I curvy? ARE YOU CURVY?

When you hear the word -

is it insulting? Or a fantastic compliment?

(Or, as my husband would say,

an Insompliment -

a la "you would be really pretty if you wore makeup",

or "your hair looks so much better than yesterday".

Not quite an insult, not quite a compliment.)

I recently read an article entitled

"Every woman in America is now 'Curvy"

(read it here)

and it echos my sentiments on this issue.

The jist of the article is that pretty much all women

are given the title "curvy",

from a stick thin Taylor Swift, to a much larger Gabrielle Siebe.

This is curvy? Or just a really beautiful thin woman?

This is curvy? Or just a really beautiful big woman?

I can see why I'm so confused.

I get called curvy All. The. Time.

But then I think -

wait? Am I Taylor Swift curvy to you, or

more of a Gabrielle Siebe curvy?

I don't want to be either.

Labels suck.

Being called curvy to one woman is a really great compliment.

To another woman? It's the worst.

The author of the article mentions that,

at one point, she described herself as curvy on her online dating profile.

A "gentleman" quickly replied to her with this:

“P.S. Dont say ur  ‘curvy’ cuz guys will think ur fat ;).”

(He did give a winky face - so he's not a total doucher?)

But really - can I blame him?

When we're told anything from a size 0 to a size 22+ can be

described as "curvy".... who really knows!?

I personally like being called curvy.

It's the truth - I do have curves.

Big hips, big boobs... definable waist.

But to some - I'm huge! 

Point is -

what is the point?

Love yourself? Lame.

Don't let labels get to you? Good luck.

Enjoy your body for what it is? Okay.

Do what makes you happy, let the rest take care of itself? Okay.

It's a struggle out there.

Maybe just see each girl for what she is -

good hair, nice rack, hot jeans, sweet lipstick...

the list goes on.

Or - go with the word "Bombshell".

Bombshell is good.

Side bar - trying to find a "curvy" quote on the internet

was ridiculous and almost made me want to chuck this blog post all together.

So instead, enjoy hearing my favourite song of the moment, which,

has, literally nothing to do with being fat, or thin, or curvy... thank God.

Stompa - Serena Ryder

"People, looking for the great escapeLooking for the greener sideTrying to find a better waySlow down; open up your big brown eyesFeel the rhythm in your heart"